Mercer's Poems
Jubilee

Ceremoniously perched, the crow, her craggy beak spoke lies.
When all she did was caw the knells of those
born without right blood.
And go around as a magpie snatching valuables from the neighbourhood.

The inbred raven preached superiority
from a stolen Sanguine throne.
There’s a belief in the bitter bile that passes for blood,
running through those inhuman veins;
masking true equality with traditionalism and national identity.

To live off of one’s own blood, a self consumptive vampire,
yet prosperous it appears when the ignorant fail to see
how foolish self-consumption is.
You’ll throw your parties, hang you banners
and dance the Devil’s dance.

Sixty years and where’s the good?
The demon spawn and her horde got richer.
While we shall ever servants be until we choose
to write our own blood into history;
Blood that has been so futilely sold,
by She and her kin, who we would hold so dear. 

The Extradition Act - A Hammy Act At Best

I have been meaning to get around to a scathing piece on the Extradition Act 2003 for some time, but me being me I do not like to run into these things without a bit of research and figured the best research one could do would be to read the act itself. 

…This was a mistake.

In all my previous encounters with law (and I did study it for a while, albeit at a low academic level) I had always assumed the tradition of it, the strange language and formatting was of its own little world and I accepted it. Indeed, most people do. But as I began to (try to!) read the Extradition Act it struck me that all the notions of the way law is expressed, all the language that is used, all the ways it is supposed to be upheld is entirely void of humanity. Okay, this is great for objectivity. But law is entirely subjective. Right and wrong are, in most cases, not definite - they are merely opinions. A judge will always tell a jury that they must only consider the facts and the law that applies but in actual fact - the jury have every right to consider the context, the subjectivity and the humanity of a situation too. As indeed they should. The law is written and agreed upon not by the people but by the government and the government have shown with increasingly shamelessness that they are no longer public servants but consider themselves an untouchable ruling class. Thus, not only would I say a jury can interpret the law subjectively, but I say they should - to ensure that the law, where entirely unjust in the eyes of the people, is not upheld. 

It is these opinions that got me wondering about the extradition law. How was it applied? What gross crimes is it used for?

Computer hacking, fraud, running websites supporting Western-unfavourable uprisings, dubious copyright infringement claims, and selling batteries to Iran.

That’s not a joke. I wish that were some element of my satire coming to the fore to be deliberately silly and poke holes in the extradition act but - those are true.

the problem comes in the balance with the United States - who appear to only need some suspicion you may have done something they may consider vaguely illegal for them to have the police come knocking on your door and dragging you off into custody. This one sided arrangement is what is causing most of the problems in the extradition act. Of course, an ‘independent’ review found it to be all perfectly fair - So that’s okay then. But you have to ask, what would happen if the UK tried to extradite a US citizen? 

When Trey Parker and Matt Stone first conceived of the idea for Team America: World Police, not even I am sure if they were aware of the extent of the truth in their satire. America seems to want to police the world and imbalanced international treaties are one such way of their doing this - and what is more the UK government caves in very easily! The Home Secretary, notorious bullshit artist and chocolate teapot Theresa May seems perfectly fine with UK people being taken effectively hostage on behalf of the US in order for them to face the wrath of some draconian and barely applicable corporate law. There are many routes of appeal before an extradition but this rather relies on our legal system being sensible and, as I mentioned at the start of this piece, our legal system lacks entirely the common sense and humanity to actually do that! 

So, as you browse your newspapers and watch your Sky News and see the names of the likes of Richard O’Dwyer and Christopher Tappin turn up on your screen. Do not merely tut as if because the US has decreed these people must be bad they must have done something wrong. For now it is them, but next time it could be you, or your family! What if your son or daughter were to link someone to an online video believed to contain pirated material - if Richard O’Dwyer is allowed to be extradited, a dangerous precedent for this could be set. How many of you can say your TVs have never shown a pirated movie, or that your MP3 players and those of your families and friends do not contain a single illegally obtained track? Do you think the US would not extradite you for this!? Think again - look at the absurd examples of what people are being extradited for and consider whether the absurdity could not go further! What if you have a business and obtain a lucrative deal with Iran, or another out-of-favour country with which you would like to trade - Say the US Government says “Those toothpicks you are selling to a merchant in Tehran are being used to make really big pointed sticks, and they are dangerous!” You think the US would not be so absurd!? Well a guy sells batteries to Iran and gets accused of their being used in missiles! 

The Extradition Act 2003 was initially said to be a great weapon to combat serious international crime. So far, it has mainly been used for dubious political agendas. We must fight this - we must stop this lunacy! The absurdity of the application of this law so far is unbelievable and if you do not stand up now it shall only give more power to the US to police the people of the UK. And if you think our government are going to stand up to it, think again! They have shown themselves to be entirely complicit in it! We need to fight, we need to campaign and we need to ensure that in the future these issues are decided with fairness and humanity. 

 

Still Just a Disabled.

To the untrained eye, I don’t look sick. You could see me walking around the streets and not realise that there was a damn thing wrong with me. 

This is actually what society wants. My condition is an inconvenience to the world, something to cover up and hide, something to ‘get on with’, something that burdens this ever-grinding system of economic cogs…This is why it is easy to be sucked into believing there is nothing wrong with me, like the rest of you.

The problem is, for all the effort I put in to getting some ‘normality’ (whatever the hell that is!) back into my life. For all the positive steps I take and for all the effort I personally put in, there shall always be some box ticking, bureaucratic bastard who wants me to jump through hoops, there shall always be the difficulty of explaining time and again just what is wrong with me, and just when it seems like everything is going okay, there shall always be something that causes a sporadic anxiety attack. 

Anxiety and panic disorders (of which I have both) are unusual things…The anxiety disorder is a general sense of foreboding that can overcome you. Sometimes this can last a long time (as it will be today, by all accounts!) sometimes it can be a short moment - but it always impacts negatively on the day. There is nothing like a sleepless night wrought with anxious thoughts, followed by an anxiety attack when you finally wake up at 1pm for an appointment to fuck up your day, fuck up your mood and make you think “Fuck my appointment.” That is what has happened to me today. That is why I am in a terrible mood, it is why I feel lost, helpless, hopeless, useless, depressed and barely living. At least it wasn’t a panic attack…That’s the only positive. The difference, you ask? Well, an anxiety attack has you feeling like something bad might happen, your heart races, your brain aches - but you can keep your wits, and calm yourself down. With a panic, none of that is possible. Your body takes over, your mind goes blank and you are at the mercy of fear and adrenaline. Imagine the kind of pure mortal panic you would feel if someone told you the entire world was about to explode, you will die, as will all your loved ones, and life as you know it will cease to be…That’s what I feel like in full blown panic…I run around like a headless chicken, I scream, exclaim, moan, groan, my heart rate is more akin to that of a hummingbird than a human, 

The worst thing about it is these things are not going away. When the body finds a coping mechanism via depression, or anxiety and panic attacks - it has a nasty habit of repeating them. For all the hard work, the drugs, the therapy - it doesn’t mean a damn thing to my body if it feels like doing its own thing as I sadly found out today. My life has been consumed by these things. The past three or so years of my life have been defined by them. Everything I once had was lost to them, and now as I try and build myself back up I find not a wave of support and assistance to get me where I want to be (though there is some)…Not people making efforts to get me to a place in my life where I am happy and comfortable. No, instead it is me who is expected to jump through hoops. It is me that has to be asked questions, subjected to scrutiny, accused of laziness, suspected of telling lies for some kind of disability funded easy life…THIS IS NOT A FUCKING EASY LIFE! This is an embarrassing life, a debilitating life, a destitute life. You think the government gives me fucking hand outs of massive amounts of cash and support? WELL THEY DON’T! You think people line the streets to give me support? WELL THEY DON’T! You think I’m making it up for some stupid fucking reason!? WELL I AM NOT! I WISH I WAS! I wish this were all a lie, I wish my life was as normal as it were a few years ago, I wish I did not have to contend with the worry, every damn day, that this may be my last sane day and tomorrow I could wake up as anxious, panicky, batty and fear fuelled as I have been before! 

I wish it was written all over my body…I wish people could see it, so they could recognise it more. To have an illness in itself is a horrible thing, but to have one so poorly understood and difficult to recognise is torture. I could have woken up today full of hope, positivity and energy. Instead I woke up in a state of anxiety. This drains your energy, saps your mood, and makes the rest of the day intolerable. I was supposed to be in an appointment at 2pm (about twelve minutes ago) I could have made it, but my anxiety earlier means I don’t have the confidence to leave the house lest it happen again. I lived in a prison like that for so long at one point. Around 6-9 months, possibly longer, I don’t remember. I don’t remember much from that time. I was not a human being then, I was a mentally void humanoid entity of fear. One bad trigger, one negative event too much for me to handle and my entire world could come crashing down again and I could be back in that jail of fear…I don’t want that. I don’t want that, but the world around me wanting to rush back to normality does not seem to want to prepare me for it. To arm me with the right tools and techniques to fight it off…Instead it wants me back in some kind of employability training, jumping back into those ever-grinding economic gears that recognise us not as human individuals, with thoughts, feelings, lives, problems - but as capital, to be squeezed, drained and used…

I think we need to start respecting human beings and their health a little more, and worrying a little less about the economy. The cuts to health services, benefits, care packages etc. is grotesque, and is being sold to ignorant people under the banner that those with illnesses are just lazy. This is nothing but inhumane prejudice, and completely wrong. What is more, by manufacturing new enemies in immigrants, the disabled, the unemployed - the focus is taken off of the true villains who drain this economy - the politicians, the bankers, the wealth hoarders. Who is really to blame for societies ills? The banks, who due to their own fuck ups and their begging have received BILLIONS in public money, the ‘defence’ industry who claim to protect the country but are actually off fighting wars that cost BILLIONS but serve no real purpose to the UK people, HM Revenue and Customs who allow massive corporations to get away with BILLIONS of pounds in tax breaks, the politicians whose expenses claims took MILLIONS in public money to spend on pointless luxuries…Or someone with an illness on £60 a week? It’s a no brainer.  

Irritating Hackneyed Clichés

I wrote a poem not so long ago about a person who seems to make clichés come true. However, even under such circumstances it does not make them any more acceptable! We are all guilty of using clichés, or hackneyed old phrases and platitudes. They come so naturally, indeed so prevalent are they in some circles that it has almost become a cliché itself - e.g. football punditry, during which it is a cliché to expect to hear many clichéd phrases! 

Well, since I seem to be taking some kind of extended break from any serious political analysis, and since I have been mildly irritated by a cliché I read this morning, I am going to severely over-analyse and moan about several of my least favourite sayings.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

The phrase itself is supposed to be a warning about investing all of your time/energy/money in one venture lest something unfortunate happen. Actually, it is just a tediously impractical piece of clichéd bullshit. What if you only have one basket? Do you just merely leave some of your eggs behind to go rotten and putrid simply because you lack a secondary transport for them? Also, is it not somewhat a wasted effort trying to ensure you have multiple baskets with you at all times? What is more, is ‘Don’t put all your eggs in one basket’ not countered by saying ‘don’t spread yourself too thin’…This is a damn good reason why such phrases do not work - there is always an equally pointless cliché to counter it, and they are usually disguised as some sort of twisted fable that makes little practical sense. 

If you wish to warn someone of the dangers of investing themselves too much in one venture or another then simply say so. “I think you may be putting too much effort into that, be careful, if it fails you shall be left feeling rather upset and will have wasted your efforts…” don’t go grinding out cheesy platitudes about eggs! 

You can’t have your cake and eat it. 

One that I know an acquaintance of mine will be happy to see on this list and its place is deserved. This nugget of nonsense is supposed to mean you cannot both possess something and consume it. However the example it uses is a bit daft. Forgive me if I am wrong but people don’t often desire cakes so they can put them in a safety deposit box…do they? Usually you have your cake specifically for the eating of it. I mean, okay sometimes cakes are ceremonial, but even then you cut them and everyone has a nommy bit of cake and all is well with the world. Wherever you go if someone has cake, someone will eat it! That’s what you do with cake! It’s almost as bad as the state-the-obvious phrase of ‘once it’s gone, it’s gone’…REALLY!? I thought once it was gone it was still there, and not really gone at all it was just some illusion! 

Seriously, have your cake, eat it…That’s what you fucking do with cake! If you have your cake and don’t eat it you shall merely end up with mouldy or stale old cake. Some cakes may keep longer than others in which case you can have them for longer, but you still need to eat them sometime. In fact, anyone who uses this phrase should be forcefed cake until their mouths are so clogged with mashed up cake they can no longer deny that if you have cake, JUST FUCKING EAT IT! 

Only boring people get bored 

I’ve seen this attribute to a few sources so don’t quite know where it came from exactly, nor do I really know what it means. But it was reading this that inspired my ire for clichéd bullshit this morning. It’s one of those new age, clichéd smugisms. Something people who like to describe themselves as ‘kooky’ say to try to exert some kind of privilege over ‘normal’, boring people. For one thing it completely misinterprets the phenomenon of boredom. Every single person on this Earth is capable of being bored and if you are one of the few who are not then there is probably something wrong with you. Given the correct circumstances ALL PEOPLE can get bored. Look, if you’re going to insult people be a bit more direct about it. For example, GITS WHO LIKE TO PRETEND THEY’RE FUCKING SPECIAL AND UNIQUE BY BERATING PEOPLE WHO GET BORED AS BEING ‘BORING’ ARE ALL ARROGANT, NARCISSISTIC CRETINS! You see, you don’t have to use smug one-liners. Now fuck off! 

All’s fair in love and war

That people even still say this is beyond belief but even I, in the relatively sensible circles I have called ‘friends’ have heard this being used in a modern context in which it has no place. 

Seriously ‘ALL’!? That leaves a lot of fucking scope. I mean essentially you’ve just condoned war-crimes - because all is fair in war, right!? Sexual assault? Pfft, it’s nothing if you say you love the victim because ‘all’s fair’ right!? NO! Fuck this phrase and its lack of any sort of ethics whatsoever! Both war and love are usually in themselves drastically unfair bloody things, but to use them as an excuse to demolish any notions of personal responsibility just shows a complete lack of humanity! That’s what this phrase is, it’s a get out of jail free card for acting like a complete dick of a human being with no sense of what is right, and what you should do as a responsible person. Fuck that, if you use this phrase I’m going to kiss you, declare war on you, then stab you - it’s fine, it’s both an act of passion and an act of war so it’s twice as fucking acceptable. 

The early bird catches the worm

Well, the early bird is certainly capable of catching some worms, but THE worm? What is this special, singular worm of which they speak? What makes it so apart from the rest of the worms that are actually available at various times on most days? What tragic fucking early bird is this that does not have a more varied diet? I’d rather be a late bird with some variety in my life than an early bird who smuggly gobbles up worms thinking they’re so fucking great!  

What advice is this phrase even supposed to offer? Get in quick? Wake up early? Always be early for things? I mean, it’s completely impractical and likely to lead to exhaustion. I just don’t get it. Things come and go at different times, opportunities present themselves with varying time frames you don’t have to jump into everything immediately - nor should you dither too much…Fuck this phrase and fuck the early bird.

Curiosity killed the cat

The irritating cliché equivalent of watching a gang shooting and having one of the perpetrators say ‘You didn’t see a thing…’ A phrase that merely exists not only as a kind of casual cruelty towards our delightful feline friends, but also as stark encouragement for lack of truth, enlightenment and stupidity. A culturally embedded trope that essentially tells us not to dig too deep, try to hard, or ask too many questions. If you ever wondered why ignorance was so rife, try considering this phrase and how culturally significant it may be. Fuck this clichéd piece of shit saying. 

I think I’m about done for now. Realistically I could probably research a list of tired old sayings and slate most of them. We are all guilty of using them on occasion but the problem comes when people believe them as statements of fact. It is our duty to question everything, even if it is culturally ingrained. Otherwise we shall merely stagnate into smug, ignorant homogeneity and I certainly do not want to see that happen. We have developed our language over a long time so that we may expressively communicate with each other in whatever ways we see fit, do we really want to be doing so with words that are not our own? Sentiments that seem false? and with phrases that are ambiguous in their meaning? Ponder that the next time you offer someone some advice. Are they more likely to heed a worn out old phrase, or are they more likely to respond to words from you, that sound like your own, and carry your thoughts and feelings in their subtexts? 

The Atheist Religion

I’ve taken my pops at Christianity, and rightfully so. There is a level of idiocy that comes with blindly following an ideal. There are hideous double standards, and statements of ill logic from the vehement supporters of Christ’s church; although I say Christ’s church, the church is actually a complete fallacy. Far from being the consolidation of God’s power through man, it is, in actual fact, a consolidation of man’s power through God. This is, ultimately, my biggest problem with it. 
You see, my problem with religion is not the religions themselves, but the people who exploit them. The assumption of goodness and righteousness that comes with following a set point of view. But a Christian acting Holier-than-thou is far more tolerable to me than an atheist being so. How can one be Holier-than-thou when they do not believe in holiness or divinity?  

Atheism has become, in and of itself, a religion. It’s practitioners bemoan how Christians are always trying to convert people to their way of thinking while they, themselves, are guilty of the self-same crime. But worse than that, there is an arrogant righteousness to it. Members of religions believe they are right because of something unquantifiable, and indescribable. Because they believe in a divine, spiritual entity that, in some way, rules the machinations of the world. They have rules that they must abide by. They often have certain lifestyles they must adopt. Atheists are exactly the same except they see themselves as the God. They believe in their righteousness not because it was written in ancient scriptures, but because they think they’re right. What atheism has become is literally the most self-righteous, self-absorbed, self-indulgent, self-assured, cocky, arrogant, and ultimately disgusting religion in the world today. I’ve no problem with people being atheists but, like with all religions, I would rather it were not the be-all and end-all in their lives. Yet some atheists feel the need for constantly bringing attention to their disbelief and constant bashing of those who do have belief in an organised religion. 

Here is my advice to you. Okay, so you don’t believe and God, and don’t follow a religion…Good for you…NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT AND LET PEOPLE DO WHAT THE FUCK THEY WANT! “But, oh…” You say “Religion has caused so much strife and so many wars!” Bullshit! Religion doesn’t cause wars, stupid fucking people cause wars. The people will be duped into war as long as they hold their ideas dear. How long before atheists take over the world and declare war on Muslims or Christians under the premise that they “Threaten their beliefs”? Let’s face it this current War of Terror was entirely founded on the fallacy that somebody in a far off dusty land threatened our ‘way of life’ - Religion is not the cause of war, people believing too much in their bullshit ideas and ways of life are the cause of war and the ultimate cause of war, might I add, has always been, is always and shall always be, material wealth. Whether that consists of possession of land, resources or indeed something as crude as money itself. What’s more, one of the fundamental tenets of almost all major world religions is peace. What is the fundamental tenet of atheism? Nothing! Because there are no rules, no guidelines, no divine laws passed down. Just what the individual wants to think and believe, and let me tell you, the human individual is a lot fucking scarier and more evil than the Bible and its messages. People are the fucking problem, not the religions they practice. So shut your fucking self-righteous faces and stop shoving your fucking belief down everyone’s throats while criticising organised religions for doing the very same.

And stop hiding behind this logic argument too! Everyone knows religion is illogical. There are fucking practicing Bishops who know what they follow is illogical. But in the same respect there are actions committed by men of no faith whatsoever that are utterly illogical. There are occurrences, phenomena and events that are entirely illogical; are you just doing to discount them? Pretend they don’t exist or interpret them in a way that suits your beliefs? Yeah! Congratulations for pulling the oldest religious trick in the fucking books you stupid fucks! 

Let me propose a new way of thinking. It’s called Theological Ignorism - A fundamental belief that all human beings are, actually, stupid as shit and know nothing. That for every answer learned there are many more questions posed and while we should never stop searching for answers we should continue to accept that we know nothing. All we know is that we are, at this moment, a collective of individuals all trying to do our best to get through the brief lives we have and should just shut the fuck up and tolerate each other; whatever we choose to believe. This way of thinking incorporates teachings and lessons from all major religions, and its ultimate law is a respect for all other lives above our own. If someone asks you what you believe you simply say “I don’t fucking know! I’m just a mere mortal human being for whom the realms and machinations of universal creation are beyond my tiny mind’s meek grasp.”  Underneath that acceptance of your own ignorance you may believe there is no God, you may believe Christ was the lord, you may worship Elvis fucking Presley, it does not matter because you are at least intelligent and humble enough to know you know absolutely fuck all about why the universe exists. Do you see how freeing a concept that is? Of course, I won’t force this ethos on you; because I, unlike you staunch fundamentalist atheists, Christians, whatever you may, I do not claim to be right. I merely claim that I don’t fucking know. 

So, to all you staunch atheists out there who feel the need to bash religion at every opportunity. To all you non-believers who like to push your ideas and your reasons behind them on others. To you people who hate religion. Congratulations on becoming a religion yourselves; you are now completely illegitimate through your hypocrisy. Now please shut the fuck up, and stop pushing your beliefs on others, because it’s wearing really fucking thin.  

Putting the ‘Human’ Back into ‘Humanity’

If you read my blogs - and I hope you do, if not get busy - Then you’ll know I have a penchant for diatribes of righteous indignation against various aspects of modern life and how we, as a people, go about them. You may think this makes me a bitter and twisted old crone; a hermit-like shut-away who despises everything. This could not be further from the truth, and, in this blog, I hope to explain why. 

You see, I love. No agenda to that word’s application. No subject of desire. No selfish element. No coveting anything. Simple and short premise. I love. I have so much passion and joy for the world and for humanity, for everything, and when I see it being manipulated or spoiled by something I cannot help but complain about it. In much the same way as the first thing a father might do if his child comes home after being missing for a while is get a bit angry before clutching desperately and lovingly at their child, I too get mad before I show love.  

Take for example my previous blog about mobile telephones. My main problem with them is that they have, in quite a big way, removed the element of humanity in communication; and also to cheapen it in some way. I know they can be used to communicate with people in far off places who you otherwise may not see often but, does that not too cheapen the moment when you do, on rare occasion, see that person? Everyone is so connected now via medium of wireless technology and fibre-optic broadband that we forget we connect on a level much deeper than wire buried beneath the Earth. We are connected as human beings. And I feel something of the magic of that is lost when, instead of popping around to someone’s home on an evening and, sharing a cup of tea and a meal, you can just ‘give them a ring’ and have a quick natter. Ignoring that, I don’t know, age old magic of face to face communication. There is no humanity in a phone call, there is no soul or essence to it. It is hollow communication for communication’s sake and it’s amazing that we can think the old cliche of ‘the world is getting smaller’ and yet, we spend more and more of our time locked up indoors relying on internet and telephones to communicate.

My rants against celebrities too stem from my love of humanity. It’s not that I don’t appreciate what they do (unless, like Paris Hilton, they literally do nothing, in which case I shall pray every day to a vengeful God that she is struck by lightening) I like music, I like movies, I like some TV shows. But in the application by ‘fans’ and media of a deification like status it is not only neglecting the fact that these individuals are only human, but also taking away attention from people who are only too aware they’re only human because they are suffering. Instead of giving time, effort and column inches to the truly amazing stories and inspiring individuals we’re giving our attention to people who, actually, haven’t done much at all. And that is truly tragic. I love nothing more than settling down with people to hear the stories of their life. The highs, the lows, the ups, the downs, and all the crazy loop-the-loops that this fantastic ride of life gives us. I don’t care what a celebrity wore to a fancy party, I want to find out what Old Lady Doris was wearing the day she met her husband who she’s been married to for 65 years. Because that’s life. That’s humanity. That is what we should be celebrating. We shouldn’t vacuously deify someone just because they pretended to be someone else for a 90-minute movie. We should recognise every single soul on this Earth as a deity in their own special way and remember that with each life comes thousands and thousands of events, anecdotes and stories more magical, more magnificent, more action packed and more human than anything you see on the silver screen.  

The problem is we like to call what we’re living in a ‘society’ but, it’s not very social at all and with all the contrived fears; these manufactured disputes and divisions of race, ethnicity, religion, nationality, political ideology - They’re all making us cliquey and factional. But ultimately the biggest ideology in, at least my country and other countries proclaiming to be ‘free’ is individualism. And that’s also the most dangerous. Instead of doing for our fellow human being we are told to do for ourselves first. This has led to us isolating ourselves, or trying to pigeon-hole ourselves as being one thing or another. Is it any wonder why teenage years are an anguish for young people these days when they’re having a crisis of identity that tells them they have to be something when, at that age, they’re idealistic enough to just consider themselves human; and nothing else. But instead they get an agenda shoved down their throats that tells them they have to ‘be something’ whether that be personal identity wise through mass marketing, career wise through pressure to do well at school, or ideologically wise as they are bombarded with agenda-laden messages that call themselves ‘news’. 

The system and culture we’re living in is toxic. It claims to be humanity, but it’s a virus that has taken over the host cell of humanity, and removed the ‘human’. I say we put the ‘human’ back into ‘humanity’. Stop the agenda, stop the factionalisation, stop the conflict, stop the pursuit of happiness through wealth, stop it all, even if only for an hour. And in that time, shake hands with a stranger. Talk to them. See their discomfort when you first introduce yourself and how it matches yours. See the nervous smile or coy giggle as you find out you have things in common. Or the passion and indignation if you have different views. See how similar they are to you? The only thing unique about humanity is we have the frontal lobe power to realise there’s nothing unique about us at all. We are all one, and it’s time we stopped pursuing our own agendas and started focussing on everyone’s. Because in the end, we all want the same things.

Peace and Love.

Mobile Telecommunications.

I bet you all think it’s wonderful, don’t you. Waltzing around with your latest iPhone or Android smart-phone texting, getting calls and all that jazz. Well, if you have read any of my previous blogs you’ll know this is the part where I, with all the righteous anger of the cosmos denounce that which you love. 

Let me just say. I am not one of these counter-culture types who immediately dislikes anything that is popular. In fact, I quite like mobile devices. It is not the devices themselves that irritate me they are FANTASTIC, they can do amazing things, and if I could get one that didn’t have the damn call or text function and required no number be assigned to it and no registration, I would gladly use one.

No, what I hate about mobiles, cellphones, handys, whatever they call them in your region is how totally fucking essential they have become; and the conflicts that creates. If I am happily going about my business I don’t see why you should feel some entitlement that I should put that on hold just because you decide to ring for a chat and “well that’s what mobiles are for!” NO! Mobiles are a tool, they have no inherent use besides that which the user choose for their purpose and in my case I prefer to use them in such a fashion that, if someone has tried to get in touch with me, I am aware of it, and can thus inquire as to the purpose for the communication at a time of my convenience. Stop thinking that there is some obligation to answer just because I have a phone. There is no obligation. I choose what the fuck I do, not my damn phone!  

And texting. Well it’s a wonderful thing, because, as previously, it lets me know someone has tried to get in touch with me, but, more magnificently, it lets me know why. Thus if an urgent response is required I can respond with a measure of urgency and, if it is merely a casual textual conversation I can choose to ignore it until such time as I am not otherwise engaged and can reply. So why do people then get pissy when you don’t text back within ten seconds!? That’s not what text messaging is for. If you want an instant response, fucking call me! Oh, that’s right, you can’t, because I won’t answer. Why? Because what you want is absolutely fucking trivial and is not worth interrupting my day for and if something you need is drastically important you will call, text, and fucking shout to get my attention NUMEROUS TIMES. I will thus know something is up and will not hesitate to begin measures towards discovering what, and what I can do about it. Otherwise, what you want is not urgent, you’re just desperately clawing at me with phone calls and text messages because you’re an egotist and you want attention.  

The most irritating thing about it is, I’m relatively young and even I can remember a time when it wasn’t necessary to have a mobile telephone on you at all times. Plans were made in advance and deadlines stuck to. If people wanted to speak to you, they’d visit, or call your on your landline. If you didn’t answer your landline it was assumed you were otherwise engaged and should not be bothered. Before telephones were even invented people managed to go about their business. Making do with personal contact or written letters. But all of that has changed now. Now people think they have a right to bug you 24/7 and that you have an obligation to respond to them. It’s pathetic. It highlights the nurtured desire for constant attention this society is breeding within us. Sometimes, I don’t want to be contacted. Sometimes I may be engrossed in a book, or busy writing, or having a pleasant walk; in solitude. Enjoying my own company. Or maybe in the company of another, face to face, with humanity, talking, communicating with one another, interpreting body language more ancient than that spoken with every word uttered. I may be doing anything I want; and would like to do so without having an abysmal tinny ringtone tell me some fucker wishes to invade my personal time again.

As I said at the start. The phones are not the problem. Themselves they are a wonder of modern technology. An admirable tool. It is the people behind them. From the manufacturers constantly trying to make you feel inadequate for not having the latest, most expensive tech, through the salespeople always trying to upgrade your package to give you more things you don’t need, and finally to the end users, lapping up the marketing propaganda with aplomb and claiming they ‘couldn’t live without their phone’. People can, have, and will continue to live without mobile phones. So if you want to get in touch with me, text me to my face. Call me at home. Knock the door. Visit me. Shake hands, exchange hugs, or kisses. Be human. Because your voice is so much more than a clever manipulation of soundwaves to microwaves.